Rolling on no sleep

Yeah I got less than 2 hours of sleep last night. Not the smartest idea but what's done is done. Everyone cross fingers that I get rest and get things done and have fun in life. Love!

Dear Diary,

I'm a fan of my life. Things tend to fall into place when if its place is apart. It all works in the big picture.

Nail on the head

Today's horoscope:
You know what you want and fully understand what is lacking in your life. Luckily, you are willing to work with this emotional dilemma. For now, it's quite difficult to put your perceptions into language, and it only makes life more confusing if you try. Stay focused on your own issues and not anyone else's. You can explain yourself later if necessary.

Sometimes I can't word how I feel in order for you to understand exactly how it's meant so I don't even bother. So as I sort out my own stuff, I need everyone to be big kids and handle themselves. Think of this as the first time your parents left you only in the house by yourself.

Feeling Better

Today is a new day, pregnant with opportunities. The 10 hours I did yesterday got the majority of the infamous project done. Also when I got in today I had an email from Justin (the boss that gave me the project in the first place and thinks I now hate him) that he sent me and CC'd my other 3 bosses and manager.

Monique, this was awesome. exactly what I asked for. thank you for staying late yesterday to get this done, it was much appreciated and very important for this project,
-Justin-

Most of you probably don't think much of it and I should be paid overtime or at least given an IOU but to me that's huge. He didn't have to say anything, nor did he have to tell everyone else I did an amazing job and stayed hella later. It's nice to know that you're more than the hand that does the work, but an entire living body.

Breathe deeply

Work is killing me right now. I want to just throw in the towel and call it a day. There's nothing worst than feeling accomplished just to have to do it again. Basically I thought I was finally making way on this project, to learn that i have to go back and edit everything I've done. of course I wasn't given all the changes at once so I'm on about change number 3. Wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to do the same thing 30 more times.

Breathing deeply, listening to The Early November, venting in short bursts and trying to stop my tense body from shaking and wanting to cause destruction. 3 more hours...

Words to live by

If you scroll back far enough, you'll see I used to blog everyday about my day. It was a science experiment in which I learned no matter what, I'm just going to be me. One good thing that came out of it (there were a lot) is that each day I would write very basic Confucius style sayings about my day. I figure these might be good to refer back to when I need to remember myself.

• October 30, 2007 - realizations bring out the strongest emotions
• October 31, 2007 - friendship means going above and beyond
• November 1, 2007 - life doesn't happen without a catalyst
• November 2, 2007 - 20 people can make you cry but all you need is 1 to make you smile
• November 3, 2007 - dwelling is reliving; just let that shit go
• November 4, 2007 - sometimes memories resurface but that temptation is easily avoided with the right company
• November 5, 2007 - life is spontaneous, plans are only a guide
• November 6, 2007 - Forcing things to happen never works the way it's supposed to
• November 7, 2007 - even when your living the dream, there's things you don't want to do
• November 8, 2007 - after catharsis comes bliss
• November 9, 2007 - one's getaway is another's problematic source
• November 10, 2007 - life shouldn't be scheduled make some plans but allow for spontaneity
• November 11, 2007 - one day I'm going to wake up a changed woman and sadly so will the rest of the world
• November 12, 2007 - surround yourself with people who genuinely have your well-being in mind, cause one day when you need them most they will already be there taking care of problems they had no idea existed
• November 13, 2007 - everything will work itself out don't let life slip by trying to even out the past
• November 14, 2007 - even when you're not thinking about it, it still comes up in conversation
• November 15, 2007 - why is it that no one ever wants to hit pause and regroup? at least that way if you forget 5 minutes later it will play by itself
• November 16, 2007 - no one likes to be forgotten
• November 17, 2007 - why is sitting around watching TV more fun at someone else's house?
• November 18, 2007 - everything will work itself out don't let life slip by trying to even out the past
• November 19, 2007 - doing nothing can be everything
• November 20, 2007 - when you don't have any choice you make the best of out the situation, occasionally it ends up being the best time ever
• November 21, 2007 - people sometimes get caught up in their own worlds to stop and appreciate others, be sure to always appreciate yourself
• November 22, 2007 - Looking at the people that share some DNA bonds with you is many times better than looking in the mirror
• November 23, 2007 - after a while I expect people to be the person they've always been, whomever that may be
• November 24, 2007 - Things are better when everyone is on the same vibe
• November 25, 2007 - Playing the cards that are dealt could mean people lose you never intended to play against
• November 26, 2007 - Deep thoughts are like a personal trip without the travel time.
• November 27, 2007 - If your life is making you unhappy do something about it, don't take it upon yourself to attempt to ruin others cause you will only make them stronger and dislike you even more
• November 28, 2007 - Sometimes it's all about the little things and the normality of life
• November 29, 2007 - Life isn't meant to be restarted or even pause, play it out with the only reassurance that each day is anew and eventually there is a stop
• November 30, 2007 - Youth is wasted on the young, I never want to think that so I intend to live up everyday with a good story. Sometimes that means stupid...
• December 1, 2007 - Cause and effect applies to all aspects of life
• December 2, 2007 - Familiar faces can turn a nothing day into a lasting memory
• December 3, 2007 - Selfless acts start to take a toll when you give so much and never get a simple thank you
• December 4, 2007 - It doesn't matter who you know cause at the end of the day you're still you, and no one can change that
• December 5, 2007 - Wishing you were in someone else's shoes does nothing but create more issues for your feet

2 in a row?

Yesterday was indeed good, far better than I thought it would be. Bamboozle is in a week, OH MY DAMN! I don't want to be greedy, but maybe today can be equally as grand...

Oh my tickets sold fairly well in case you were wondering

today is gonna be a good day

Ashley Parker Angel just came on the radio

What a life

Yesterday was silly, best way to explain it. Not really sure what the outcome will be, but I'm sure I'll find out sooner than later. Roller coaster of emotion and my heart plummeted into my stomach multiple times. Today should be good, as long as I just do me. Oh ps, 1 down 4 to go.

Yesterday reminds me of this line:
Greg fails to see the humor in, my sad attempts of breakdancing


I hate when that one song plays and you automatically think of that one person. Eventhough you haven't talked to them in what seems like forever, you still have those memories and feelings inside. Yup that just happened to me...

Oh PS

I got those shoes from November 10th. But they are blue and not corduroy.

Going to the museum!!

Going to the museum after work. I haven't been in over a year and that's an issue because I have no excuses (it's free). Museums always inspire me and give me that extra push to be great and different and me, especially the modern section. Renaissance and Baroque just don't turn me on like contemporary. It's probably my love of line, color, shape and pattern in the most simplest form. Speaking of which, put in the order for my business card today!! One step closer.

Google must know today is a good art day for me. Quote of the day:
There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
- Pablo Picasso

April 30th...

Motion City Soundtrack better play the best set I've ever seen. To add to the long list of good shows in Baltimore/Philadelphia/DC/Delaware; Lyfe Jennings is doing a freakin in-store at Sound Garden. If only I can be in two places at once, or five...

I'm addicted to Packrat

It's a Facebook application. Check it out, better yet comment me and I'll send you an invite. Help me help you

I slept yesterday

So yesterday after working 9 hours and trying to find some things in Target, I came home exhausted. Decided not to eat, worked on my resume for all of 10 minutes and passed out around 8. I did wake up at 4 and contemplated for 5 minutes if I should eat, decided to take it to work for lunch and went back to bed. All of that and I still slept in when my alarm went off. Needless to say I was drained. When I say I'm tired it's legit, I could've hung out with friends, met new people, or discussed a job with a client. But for once I put my health in front of everything and slept. Guess I'm learning how to be selfish after all. I don't even feel guilty or pushed behind, it'll all get done no worries.

Speaking of getting stuff done my current agenda seems thinner than usual, either I'm grinding more than I think or I'm forgetting all kinds of stuff. If it's forgotten then it couldn't have been that essential. 8 days left in April and I still have to:

• Print business cards
• Ship Ebay tickets
• Make Mix CD
• For Ashley
• For Barry
• For BamBam (x2)
• Pick out portfolio
• Create & Upload Website
• Clean
• Errands
• Buy anything needed for Bamboozle
• Do my hair
• Buy gift & card
• Resume
• Pack
• Fix Laptop
• Wash car

Happy Earth Day

Today is the day to be green. Even if you're not a hardcore environmentalist, that one can you recycle really does make a difference cause its one more can out of the dump. I think in celebration of the holiday, I'm going to purchase some ecoSNEAKS. Been dying to get a pair, eventhough I shouldn't. I haven't been eating lately so I'll just take it from grocery money...Rae is gonna yell at me.

My entire existance hurts

Where do I begin? For what now seems like forever I've been working at least 8 hours a day, driving home in thick traffic and then working on side things at home until my eyes are rolling around in my head. I can't remember the last time I got more than 5 hours of sleep, and even worst the last time I went to bed because I should and not because I needed to. I'm tired to the point that I can feel my heart beating slower and my body moving at a far more sluggish pace. That can't be healthy.
Lately, I've been eating 1 to 2 meals a day replacing the time it takes to cook/make a plate/get something with an extra 15 minutes of rest. Constantly yawning, coughing, and blinking. I wonder not only how much more my body can take, but why I keep doing it and how my friends can put up with it.
Things are getting better but I'm still not sleeping. This weekend I decided to put all things work aside and relax. Mentally I felt the best I have in weeks, physically I think I got hit by a bus in my sleep. My brain, when not spaced out, was crystal. I thought of so many amazing designs and projects and ideas and method. I even remembered them without ever putting them on paper. The fact that I'm almost 100% mentally normal, is the strength I need to proceed.
This hard work goes beyond Bamboozle, beyond design. It's a true test to see how I measure up in all aspects of my life. Can I really handle it? We'll see, but I think I stand a fighting chance. You'll never know until you try, and if you fall flat on your face at least you'll have a cool scar and story.
I can only apologize for so much to everyone and after a while the words lose meaning. I warned all of you, at least I tried to. Give me a few more days and things will change. If you need me, I'm around. You might have to look for me and my attention may be divided, but I'm around and I really do care.
Haha how ironic is it that as I write all of this, my mother calls me expressing her concern for my ridiculous lifestyle. Yes I'm tired, yes I know I do way too much, yes I know I travel far more than I should, yes I know my priorities are out of line. Things are always a far bigger deal when your parents disapprove. I just hope that everything is worth it and I'm not fucking up my life for nothing.
Ahhhhhh!

Random Question

So Blogger users can create a Blogger profile, you may have seen mine. If not, no big. There is always a random question you can answer and I think that's the best idea ever. Feels like a mini interview. One day someone will interview me as a person and not a potential job candidate. Anyway I answered one a while ago and it's been up. But I want to do another so I'm saving the previous one here, for me to reflect on at a later date.

Your people want to make a statue in your honor. What will it be made out of and what victory will it commemorate?
Oh man I'd love to have a bush statue. You know like the ones on Edward Scissorhands. That or a mini action figure with pose able parts. I'd also settle for a cardboard cutout on a stick. It will commemorate my abilities to find information most people didn't know existed duh. Or maybe my overall kickass awesomeness...

Don't stop get it get it

Nonstop crazy action, that's how I live. And it worries my friends more than my own mother. This weekend has been ridiculous and I don't know how I even wake up each day to function.

No sleep Thursday night. Left work at 3 on Friday, chilled in traffic talking to my mom and then went to Alexa's. Chilled at her house and then went to Philly. That show was incredible, it felt like I was home watching it on TV cause it was so surreal. Got home crazy late, didn't even remember driving. Another night of no sleep, I was awake for almost 24 hours on about 3 hours of rest. Lots of organizing then spent the day in Fells/Canton because it was Record Store Day. Home for 10 minutes then back out to see T-Pain. Ended up hanging out with a few close friends catching up. I'm so glad they love me enough that I can be a cunt and no one care. Guess that's why I'm their BFFE (Black Friend Forever eva). Finally home, did some stuff passed out. Supposed to sleep in today, didn't happen. Might go to the car wash or the Smithsonian. Tonight is another show, it's also 420 so if any of you celebrate that, happy 420! Oh, if you are Jewish, happy Passover.

My apologies if I'm spaced or bitter, I'm in "go go go" mode so that fuse is quite short.

Might have to rearrange my schedule

Big thanks to Travie & Alexa for providing me this info

Irks my nerves

I can't stand when people ask others to do things that they could have done in the amount of time to ask. For example don't instant message someone from your computer a question that can be looked up on the Internet. Or don't write someone saying you are going to have someone else send them info that you already know. Basically let's get rid of the middle-men and micromanagers.

What a choice...

Get rich quick?

Maybe I should go play some slots this weekend. I could use an extra couple hundred to get through the days. If you know me then you know that I don't really think in dollars and cents. I look at cashiers in surprise when they give me monetary totals. Sometimes I straight up forget that money exist. I think it's a beautiful way to live, but I'm fully aware of my budget and boundaries. Not everyone is going to sacrifice nourishment for new shoes or shoes for a friend's enjoyment. But I will and I have. It's whatever, some things are worth more than others. And I know my friends will repay me when they have it.
What sucks is living paycheck to paycheck. I swore I never would, and I'm not but the fluffy cushion I once had has been worn down to bent and broken springs covered by cloth. Fortunately I get a tax refund in the next weeks and there is that $300 or $600 check everyone is getting. That'll be amazing. Taxes are gonna go to paying the next 4 months of car payments and one month of credit card bills. It'll be nice to not worry about going over my limit for a while. I think some friends are repaying me hefty sums they owe and that will go straight to my credit cards. I don't really care about cash in my pocket. As long as I don't owe anyone, I'm good.
Ideally I want to have enough cash to not have to use my credit cards for anything. Currently I buy all my concert tickets with one of my cards. I think if I start to buy just one ticket for GA shows and give cash to someone else to get seated tickets I can eliminate 90% of card use. Thus making a goal of being debt free possible.
That current goal is obtainable in four years except for my student loan which will have only 4 years left. Gotta love college. I can't imagine going from paying roughly $1300 a month to $375. That's dumb. With an extra grand a month I can buy a house!!! Not really sure if I'll live at my current residence for the next 4 years, but I have something to look forward to in 2013, making this whole job thing worthwhile. Oh if anyone is looking to move (friends only), you can stay with me at my house in 2013. All you'll have to pay is rent for your bedroom and then split utilities shouldn't be more than 600/mo (at current dollar value of course). In the meantime, who knows maybe I'll make enough money freelancing to rent an apartment, eventhough I hate the idea of renting anything other than a car or hotel room.

By the by, this was more for myself to have a visual motivator than anything/one else.

Hi people!!

I've been getting a lot of new readers, not really sure why, and just wanted to say hey!! I think it's crazy that other human beings enjoy reading about me and my life and crazy thoughts. I read blogs all the time, but I also think others are fascinating. Whatever you're reasoning, welcome aboard!

On a side note: What would you like to know about me? Let me warn ya, I'm pretty secretive & mysterious so I may not divulge what you wish to know...

Supersonic Focus Beam

This little worker bee doesn't even know what days it is anymore, only that time is still progressing. Probably because I spend 8 hours in a basement so all I see is artificial light. Doesn't help that once I get home, I lock myself in my room for 5 hours and design by television light.
I'm looking forward to Saturday because I promised myself I wouldn't sit and stare at my computer screen for longer than 45 minute intervals.

Back to the daily grind. HUGE project at work!!

Egads

That explains it

A man's silence is wonderful to listen to.
- Thomas Hardy

I guess this is why everyone likes to be around me. I don't say shit...

PS: Ebay Venture Take 2

Stoked

Only thing better than this, is it comes with songs. Oh snapith!

Road Warrior

I've had my car for 45 days and it almost has 3000 miles. At this rate by Christmas I'll have 17,000. Cars with that many miles should not be 9 months old. Somehow I'll figure out a way to cut it by half. It's either that or start charging everyone for cab service and buy another car...

Charity

I have this urge to give to charity it happens every 3 months or so, last time I did it was mid December and I spent over $100. I really shouldn't do it now so instead I'm going to donate some clothes and shoes to goodwill or anything else that more giving I can find. We donated the car to Kars 4 Kids and that felt really awesome. I don't think giving things I don't want or use is going to make me feel like I've done all I can to make tomorrow a better day for someone else. So I'm writing this blog to ask all of you, whoever you are and if you even really exist to donate to the following charities. If you care and have spare change. Below is a couple of good charities that you can purchase things from so you are getting while you're giving. You can always just send money as well. But I know the "help me help you" situation is far more amicable. Recently added two sites where you can improve your vocabulary and geographic knowledge while feeding the hungry. I try to donate a loaf a bread and 1000 grains of rice a day.

• Keep A Breast - Breast Cancer Awareness - Store
• (Red) - Raising Awareness for The Global Fund - Products
• Music for Relief - Cleaning up Natural Disasters & Preventing More - Store
• The John Lennon Educational Tourbus - Providing students with hands on experience - Apparel
• One - Making Poverty History - Store
• Invisible Children - Rebuilding the Ugandan community - Store
• 11:11AM - Pediatric Cancer Research Foundation - Store
• World Wildlife Fund - Local & Global Environment Conservation - JCPenney Shirts
• Save the Children - Creating lasting change in US children in need - Shop
• SOS - The People behind Live Earth - Store
• Free the Children - Children Helping Children - Store
• To Write Love on Her Arms - Presenting hope for those struggling with depression - Store
• Music Saves Lives - A conduit between music & life-saving causes - T-shirts
• Take Action! - DoSomething.org (help young people make a positive difference in the world) - Merch
• Shirts for a Cure - Breast Cancer - Store
• Free Rice - UN World Food Program - Game
• Free Flour - Bread for the World Institute - Game
  

Good Morning

Sometimes I realize I live an abnormal life. I wake up, realize its 6:38 and wonder if I should wait for the 7 alarm. Hop out of bed cause I remembered I didn't pick out my shoes the night before as I fell asleep talking to Rae. Not really but mentally. Do all my pre-work morning get ready shit. Including changing my away messages and checking IMs from the night before. Quick peek at the myspace bulletins, never know someone might be in town and wanna hang out. Chat with my mom about me being stressed and should take some Tylenol. Conversation ends with us discussing taxes and how I need to calculate the miles I've traveled to shows. Don't even want to think about that... Finish getting ready, argue about popping pills. Take the pill argue about if I ate dinner on Tuesday, then about my Vitamin Water alcoholic habits. My mom loves me. Eat a cinnamon bun almost fall over with bags and banana in hand. Dip to work. Jam out to Paper Walls (another CD that made me say, "shit they're gonna break up") while ducking cops. Get to work almost fall down the steps. Read some blogs. Yeah I get a lot of shit done in a little amount of time.
Best part of 8am is this picture hands down

I'm buying this!

Look at the freakin cover. HELLO!

Oh yeah...

Remembered my purpose. I want to wake up at my boyfriend's house and kiss him goodbye before I drive to the beautiful city for another day of work. I saw a couple kiss bye and the knee-length skirted woman skipped off to her vehicle, briefcase in hand with kitten heels to match. I said hmm, maybe I can get a variant of that. Maybe I should get a boy first...
How about this, I work on being cute, magnetic, and fucking awesome. And you whoever you are, find someone that digs me and I would think is pretty rad. kthanks

ps: if one more person asks me what happened to CIWWAF, Imma call Shaant myself and ask wtf is his band doing.

Scattered

So much to say. HIPV needs to make a return cause I could use more old Drive-Thru in my life. At least Senses Fail is working on a new CD. I should just hang out in Fells on the daily til I run into Buddy... And!!! The Movielife has that set kinda sorta at Bambam so that should be dope. Eventhough it'll bring back crazy repressed memories. Whatever it's drama-free weekend so I'll get over it as soon as it's over.
Yes I did see The Matches last night and they still bring more energy than anyone else to share the stage. Shawn was chillin in the door allllll night. Mega fan!
PS. Thank you Armor for not putting out an amazing life changing album. Don't get me wrong Smile For Them is fucking brilliant. And I played it constantly until 2008 where I had to give it a rest because the songs were losing meaning. But I didn't listen to it the first time and say "Shit they're breaking up soon" If you don't know I've recently said that after listening to the following albums:

• The Mother, The Mechanic, and The Path
• Resolution
• Direction
• Make it Blur

I'm sure there were more but I'm not thinking too clearly. Let's be for real this blog is titled Scattered. Get with it. In 3 weeks, it'll be May 1. Just getting used to April, HAMMERTIME, and 21 days later I'll be thinking completely differently. April 30 is going to be the worst day ever because every band ever is playing within 90 minutes of my dwelling. And I can only see one. So I won't be at Armor, Emery, I Am the Avalanche or My American Heart.
Hmm I guess I like making lists today. If you're still reading this, I feel for you... Anyways, I lost my train of thought. And my purpose for this thing in the first place. Hmm...
I've heard so many great lines this week in songs I've been singing for years. I'm convinced that your brain looks out for things relevant to your life and situation and overall you. Actually I'm more than convinced, I learned that shit in school. Yeah when you major in something dealing with aesthetics you tend to learn a lot about how the brain works and functions. So glad I didn't decide to build space ships. Ok this is dumb, I'm gonna go make things look pretty and hope the next 6.75 hours coast.
Oh oh oh! Apparently this shirt is the shit. So is the band, they'll be at Harmony Grange the weekend after BamBam. You all should go in case I can't cause it's also licensee weekend and I was asked not to make plans back in January. We'll see...

You mega fan you

Colt 45 Weekend
May 16-18
GET IN WHERE YOU FIT IN

Happiness, I can get with that

You have no idea what it feels like to open your email and the subject reads "Your happiness is no longer blocked"
You'd think you'd be elated. You'd probably would be, not me. I said "shit I haven't been happy?" Of course the email was my horoscope for the day, which said my positive attitude makes it hard for my friends to be negative. And everyone that had been preventing me from being truly happy were no longer going to be in the way. Personally I would've been aok with just one person getting out the way. But everyone?!?! Insane. Thanks friends. Maybe now people will believe when I say don't speak those negatives into the air. Thank you Dr. Phil and subsequently Oprah.

sidenote: I'm seeing The Matches in a little over 32 hours. EGADS!!!

Time & Attention

It's crazy how schedules work. When you plan everything out on paper you have all this time to get everything done. Next thing you know you only have a few days. Where does the time go? Why is it so hard to keep things as planned? Who hurts the most when you postpone the very time line you set? With that being said, I'm going to grab on to whatever grains of sand I can, throw them back into the hourglass and hope its enough. Because there is no plan B and no option of failing. All I know is get it done.


Another thing I was thinking about, why do some demand all the attention and focus? Is it to feel more or less important/wanted? Is it to prove worth? Is that the only way to feel accepted? Don't they realize that people tire quickly of those antics? And more importantly when all eyes are on you, there's more pressure. One small mess up is magnified to exponential proportions. No one is perfect so it's bound to happen. And when it does the attention is no longer in your own control. Now is that something one really wants?
That idea came to mind this morning in conversation and I honestly can't figure it out, but want to. Guess it's that thirst for "how does things work" in me.

This could be me

Antarctica? Seriously dude. Its between -40 and -94 degrees and pitch black. I would go for the story.

Damn I can't get away

Doing my daily routine of checking the horoscope before I start being truly productive for the day and low and behold something just to fuck with my mind all day. In a nutshell, I want something new but still attached to the status quo, so I shouldn't show my hand or force anyone to just yet. As if my night wasn't already going to be questionable.
Speaking of questionable, I'm starting to question some people's motives. Seems like the more they talk the more they reveal true colors and that rainbow is turning out to be some earth tones...

Never settle

There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey.
- John Ruskin

Eliminate Emotional Clutter

I've gotten into reading my horoscope everyday just to get some advice from someone not personally invested in me. Friends are supposed to want you to do the best, best the best, live the best. But they also want your best to involve them. It's the way it is. Parents are supposed to give you hope and take the cap off the sky. So my horoscope is pretty much the outside source I have to getting some clarity on what I should be doing, aside from Oprah...

Today gave me incredible hindsight and made me think. So much that I decided to write a blog and save it to ponder more intently. Emotional spring-cleaning could be your current order of business as rational Mercury activates your ruling planet Pluto. Your logic is pitted against the mysteries hiding in the shadows of your mind. Sink into your memories, recover buried secrets and eliminate the clutter that prevents you from thinking freely.

Upon first reading I couldn't get past the idea that I may have mysteries hiding in my mind or buried secrets. After thinking more, I think it's more of the idea that I bite my tongue a lot in conversations and have been doing so a lot lately. Who would've thought that me stopping myself from saying everything I want would stop myself from thinking. That's an issue, especially when I need my mind to wander and think freely the most now.

I'm not going to stop biting my tongue completely because that's just a bad practice altogether. But I am going to start voicing myself and my spirit much more. Just one more way for me to start doing more for myself. I'm also going to stop thinking and worrying about things I have no control of, because its a waste of my efforts and takes my focus away from my own problems.

Today is going to be a good exhausting day. Hopefully I don't lose too many friends...