Tuesday, December 30

News Flash


By now everyone should know about this. My thoughts are, how did he have enough time to get off the second shoe. And why wasn't someone walking the president away from that podium. USA get your shit together please!
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A collection of small thoughts

I haven't blogged lately, actually I haven't done much lately. For someone so busy, always moving, always going. I have zero accomplishments on the large scale of things, what's the purpose then? Hope? I honestly don't know and have lost direction. Not a downward spiral because that would at least have meaning, motion, direction, momentum and eventual end. I, me, I'm suspended in space, time, and color. No sign of going, no sign of life. Just existence.
Not like you'd notice, not like there's anything that can be done. Nope not a thing. This isn't depressing, at least it shouldn't be, just words with feelings, just ideas going mentioned. I wish in my heart of hearts I knew what it was I am supposed to do. Who I'm meant to be, where I'm supposed to go. Some small clue that says this way or that. I'm exhausted, and need this nothingness to end. Not sure if I can take much more. But I know I have no choice in the matter. Good thing making the best of things is my specialty.

Christmas has come and gone, I'm glad everyone so far has throughly enjoyed their gifts. I'm fond of bringing smiles to faces and giving to those that has blessed me with so much. You honestly have no idea just how bright you all have made my days and nights. Love, friendship, happiness, life. Always remember at the end of the day all we have are our memories and connections. The stories we live are the things we can give, and including someone in your life, welcoming them to be a part of the most valued possession you have is truely the most beautiful thing on this Earth. I'm excited to finish giving out gifts and sending my love in yet another form.

I've had the pleasure this week to spend much needed time with my family members. I love them all dearly and although I see them on a regular basis I wish I spent even more time with each member. Shockingly I got to visit my Great Aunt who at this point is the closest thing I have to a grandmother. She's amazing, and as I have for the past 20 whatever years of my life, I continue to strive to be just as great of a person as she.

I wish more people appreciated the things they have, wheter its physical or mental. Not everyone is as blessed as others and it's a shame that there are some who just keep wanting, needing, begging, seeking, asking. Be happy with the current, the now. When you're always looking for better there is never a best.

Other things going on in my life that have totalled to my current state. Hmm let's see, Autumn has truely been the biggest test of character for me. Test of morals, test of intergrity, test of my true ideals and wants. If I had to relive September 22th through December 21st, I don't know what I would do. I'd want to say I'd do it all again exactly the same, but in hinesight probably not. Lots of highs and lows, tears and smiles. C'est la vie. I just hope the start of Winter is a death of the negativity and struggles. If not for me personally then for the others around me who need it just as much. I pray almost everynight that the burdens on my friends and families hearts are taken away. Everyone deserves to breathe easy every now and then.

On a totally unrelated matter, I've been thinking a lot about love and relationships this week. I think its the feeling of the season. Sharing with love ones makes one think about having a significant other to share with. I found myself breaking tradition momentarily and instead of watching A Christmas Story all of Christmas Eve night, I put in Love Actually and watched a completely different take on Christmas. So many different ways a relationship can form and grow or end. So much love in people, it's a beautiful thing and maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to have one of my own.
Sad boys grow up, try drugs, and fall in love.

I think the biggest worldwind has been losing my job. I'm glad I wasn't fired, and maybe this is the opportunity I needed to figure out what I want in life and exactly how to go out and get it. However I did like a lot of things about my work, it was also horrific timing and I wish I knew sooner and could plan something. Thankfully there's a small cushion for my bills and I'm able to get some kind of payment, nothing near what I've been making but help nonetheless. Hopefully I find something new soon, and in the meantime can make some cash on the side either from freelancing or payments on debts. You know me I'll figure it out.

I spent a week cleaning my room and assisting on cleaning the house. All of my clothes are finally in my bedroom and I have about five laundry baskets too many. Going through my belongings yet again to donate some things away. Eventually I dwindle down and everything will have a place. Eventually...

My life hasn't been all bads, don't think that. I got things for Christmas I really really wanted, and some of the raddest books ever that make me just want to go out and paint like no other. I also have spent a good amount of time with the best of the best friends a girl could ask for. I saw Adrienne who I only get to see once a year. I hung out with Ebony whom I never spend time with. I went to some shows with Christine & Alexa, always good company as are Fiona & Erica. Shared some smiles and drinks with Josh all weekend, probably my favorite drinking partner next to Sara. Jeff has been home and I couldn't be more excited, I don't think anyone understands the realtionship I have with that boy other than him. I finally got to see Devin who I've missed immensely. He's one of the only people to understand what I'm going through right now. Being home means I actually get to see my parents who are legit my favorite people in the world. I could watch TV in bed with my mom all day and my dad can make any movie better. Even extended the olive branch in attempts to salvage some fallen friendships. I hope the social portion of December continues and improves throughout 09.

Sometime tomorrow I'm going to post a far shorter blog about my favorite things of 08! And not so favorite. Hopefully this will start some good conversations...


With each passing day, I wonder a little less. Not cause I've lost hope or interest; because I know what it is to play the hand that's dealt. You can't always get the winning hand but as long as you keep playing, odds are in your favor...
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Friday, December 26

I'm amazed

It seriously amazes me that sometimes I associate with the most insincere, ungrateful people. I wish there was a way for the world to open their eyes and they could see just how things are and how things could be for them. I also wish I could do more for those that have done so much for me. My father today damn near broke my heart. I could see and feel the grief surrounding him. He of all people should know that I don't care if he never gets me a gift again, he's given so much already. The fact that I have a bachelor's degree is mainly because of this sacrifice and hard work. If anything I should be giving him so much more.
I'm also amazed that some people I consider great friends have completely disappeared from my life without any notice. I'm definitely use to it by now but it still stings to know someone you'd do anything for would straight up ignore you, unwarranted. Everything happens for a reason...
Speaking of which, I've been dealt a bum hand these past few weeks and it seems that things aren't getting better. Actually worst. I don't know personally how much more bad news I can take, nor do I honestly want to find out. Too bad these things are out of my control. All I can do is pray each night that everything will be alright, in hopes that one of these days I won't awake with the remnants of my nightly tears.
I'm in no way shape or form complaining or nonchalant asking anyone for anything. I just ask that everyone pauses for a minute and realizes how good things are. Even with things in my life being as bad as they are, I'm still grateful that I am able to do the things I do and I have the people that I have in my life. Things can always be worse and tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. So I strive to appreciate each day for what it is, a new day full of opportunity and endless bounds for me to make the most of.

I just hope I remember this if and when things ever get truly bad.
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Wednesday, December 24

XMas 2k8

It's that time of year again when I put my issues aside and make a list of things I wish I had, still not a fan. Use this as a guide to my style, doesn't have to be exact but please please please no skulls! By popular demand, I provided links. Thanks in advance!!

Clothing
Band Clothing
DVDs
  • Cool World
  • Armor for Sleep DVD
  • Boy Meets World
  • Wacky Races
  • Secret World of Alex Mack
  • Short Circuit
  • Clarissa Explains it All
  • Blossom
  • Go
  • Rob & Big Season 3
  • Clone High
  • Robin Hood Men in Tights
  • Mariah Carey DVD (except Emancipation of Mimi)
  • The Matrix 3 movie set
  • Lord of the Rings 3 movie set
  • Star Wars 6 movie set
  • Classic 90s Cartoons and shows
Music
  • The Rocket Summer - Calendar Days; Do You Feel
  • Armor For Sleep – Smile for Them (CD/Lithograph/Tote Bag Bundle)
  • The Academy - The Academy EP
  • Remember Maine - Remember Maine EP
  • Powerspace - The Kicks of Passion
  • Over It - Step Outside Yourself; Silverstrand
  • We Are the Fury - Venus
  • Angels & Airwaves - I-Empire
  • Say Anything - ...Is a Real Boy; In Defense of the Genre
  • Mariah Carey – Mariah Carey; Emotions; Musicbox; Valentines; MTV Unplugged
  • Say No More - What You Thought You Knew
  • Rediscover - Out of Touch
  • Motion City Soundtrack/Matchbook Romance Split
  • Motion City Soundtrack/Schatzi Split
  • Yellowcard – Underdog
  • Punchline - Just Say Yes
  • The Fury - Infinite Jest
  • Anberlin - Cities; New Surrender
  • Self Against City - Self Against City; Telling Secrets to Strangers
  • Hit the Lights - Until We Get Caught
  • Asteria
  • You Me & Everyone We Know - So Young, So Insane
  • White Tie Affair - Walk This Way
  • Just Surrender - Stronger Now
  • Pussycat Dolls - Doll Domination
  • Story of the Year - The Black Swan
  • I can make a mess like nobody's business
Books
  • The Lorax & The Butter Bread Book by Dr. Seuss
  • Rolling Stone Greatest Album Covers of All Time
  • Children's books
  • Anything Kid Robot
  • Anything MTV
  • Lord of the Rings (the expensive one huge book)
  • http://karimrashidshop.com/index.php?cPath=38
  • An upbeat funky cookbook
  • 100 Words to Make You Sound Smart
  • American Fashion
  • Home Studio Home
  • Fashion Wonderland Book
  • Fashion Now 2
  • Absolut 1 & 2
  • 1000 New Designs and Where to Find Them: A 21st-Century Sourcebook - Jennifer Hudson
  • 50 Reading Lists - Spin Media
  • Action Time Vision - Spin
  • Art Of Looking Sideways - Alan Fletcher
  • Basics Design: Colour - Gavin Ambrose and Paul Harris
  • Basics Design: Layout - Gavin Ambrose and Paul Harris
  • Basics Design: Print + Finish - Gavin Ambrose and Paul Harris
  • Colour Index 2 - Jim Krause
  • Cover Art By: New Music Graphics -Adrian Shaughnessy
  • Creative Advertising: Ideas and techniques from the World's Best Campaigns - Mario Pricken
  • DIY: Design It Yourself - Ellen Lupton
  • Eco-Design Handbook: A Complete Sourcebook for the Home and Office - Alastair Fuad-Luke
  • Fully Booked: Cover Art and Design for Books - Robert Klanten, M. Hubner
  • Graphics Alive - Edited by Victionary
  • Guerrilla Advertising - Ty Montague, Gavin Lucas, and Mike Dorrian
  • Humble Masterpieces: 100 Everyday Marvels of Design - Paola Antonelli
  • Icons of Graphic Design - Steven Heller and Mirko llics
  • Lemon Poppy Seed - Robert Klanten
  • Logo - Michael Evamy
  • Patterns 2: Design, Art and Architecture - B. Glasner, P. Schmidt, U. Schondeling
  • Sorry Trees (Again) - Vince Frost
  • Tactile: High Touch Visuals - Robert Klanten
  • The A-Z of Modern Design - Bernd Polster, Claudia Neumann, and Markus Schuler
  • The Layout Book - Gavin Ambrose and Paul Harris
  • Things I Have Learned In My Life So Far - Stefan Sagmeister
  • Twenty Two Tips on Typography - Enric Jardi
  • Type Idea Index - Jim Krause
  • Type Selector Swatch - Michael Worgotter
  • Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite - Paul Arden
Shoes
  • Converse (make sure the bottom of the shoe says 8)
  • EcoSNEAKS
  • Vans
  • Volcom
  • DC Shoes
  • Enties
Games
  • Scene It: Movies 2
  • The 90s Game
  • Let’s Make a Deal DVD
  • Show Me Yours I’ll Show You Mine
  • Clue
  • PS2: Singstar Pop Vol 2
  • PS2: Singstar Legends
  • Wii: Boogie Superstar
  • Wii: SmartyPants
  • Wii: Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party 2 w/ Dance Mat
  • Wii: Big Brain Academy
  • Wii: Monopoly
Misc
Giftcards
  • Best Buy
  • Target
  • Zumiez
  • Vans
  • PacSun
  • Journey's
  • Torrid
  • JCPenney
  • Ticketmaster
  • Neighborhoodies
  • Visa/Mastercard/Amex
  • Old Navy
  • Delia's
Concert Tickets
  • Ask for up-to-date list
Magazine Subscriptions
  • SPIN
  • Entertainment Weekly
  • How
  • Illustration
  • Communication Arts
When in doubt...
  • Anything with a panda (except stuffed animal)
  • Anything argyle or another geometric pattern
  • Artsy (design) things
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Tuesday, December 16

True on so many levels

I've been waiting for a good day
I've been holding back long enough
I've been hurting to tell you some things
it's not the falling of the temperature
that's making all our bones run cold
 it's the breeze you make
the presence felt when you're around me

and it feels like I'm at an all-time low
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Monday, December 15

Who knows?

So where do we go
Where do we go
You cannot know
You will not know
When you just have to fight to be alone
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Thursday, December 11

That about sums it up


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Donnie Darko is a freaky movie

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Tuesday, December 9

Do you have LGS?



*cough*Iwannahoodie*cough*
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Sunday, December 7

Not quite right

I just wanted to apologize to anyone that's been affected by my attitude lately. This time of year is a rough time for me as two years ago my grandmother passed away two days before Thanksgiving. No matter how prepared you can be, death is death and my commitment issues have a hard time wrapping my head around the finality of it.
No need for sorrow, I'm fine, seriously. It's just that from time to time, the small things will get to me. Every once in a while something will occur and I'll think about how much I miss that lady. She and I were very much alike and in the later years of her long life we started to bond.
I just ask all of you lovely people in my life to bear with me, especially if I seem distant. There's probably just something else on my mind. Give me a second to gather myself and we'll be good. No big like I said, I'm not depressed or harboring this intense feelings somewhere. Simply put I miss the grey-eyed red-haired lady I spent so many of my youthful summers with. Haha she makes me want to have a child just so I can see what genes he/she would inherit inside and out. If you think I'm blunt and straight-forward you should've seen my grandma she'd make even me gasp.

<3
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Friday, December 5

She got that Vote shirt at Target

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Wednesday, December 3

Salty

I'm too angry to even type or think or vent. I just want to yell, but I can't. FUCK!
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Tuesday, December 2

Whoa

Look at that big ass type. Yeah I don't know either. I was clicking around doing my job making things look pretty next thing I know I'm changing my blog layout, go figure. I updated my wishlist eventhough I just did one in October. This one is completely complete as of December 1st. But I'm sure I forgot millions of things and as my friends (to the friends that read this and not the innocent bystanders) I know you will get me things I never even knew I wanted. Kinda how that thing works. I also started doing my shopping for the lot of you. Saturday I'm gonna go to town and just knock everything out there are only 2 people I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to get. I'll figure it out and make it count.

By the way, I have the most realistic dreams sometimes. Guess that comes with the vivid imagination...
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Monday, December 1

I should be somebody's stylist by now...

Oh Hot Topic and your layers...
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