Friday, June 20

Hi I'm monique

There's a million thoughts running through my mind, but that's nothing new. I started to think about who I was as a person, not how others define me but how I define myself. It took me almost half of June to figure it all out, and I'm still not quite sure, but here's what I came up with, in no particular order.

I'm an individual, first and foremost. I do more for others than I do for myself and will bend over backwards to make someone's dream come true. Unfortunately that may mean putting my own on hold. Occasionally people mistake that for being unmotivated, not the case despite being defeated in practically every aspect of life, I wake up thankful for another day and attempt to live it to its fullest. I have unbelievably high goals, but all are within reach if I follow the simple steps of the plan. One day I'll learn how to say no and to be a little selfish.
I'm a giver; I give my opinions, time, money, belongings, and space. If you want something that I have and I care about you, it's yours. Even if it is hundreds of dollars, or a ticket to a concert I've been counting the days to see. And no I'm not the kind of girl that expects something in return; your gratitude is payment enough. Good things come to good people, so I try to surround myself with positive energy and fun times. I know that one day karma will work in my favor due to my kind heart. But I’m not doing the things I do, for a reward that may not ever come.
In the meantime, I tend to have the worst luck. I don't always get what I want, people normally don't come through for me and I've ended many days a little more than heartbroken. Don't consider me an underdog just someone who sets themselves up to be let down.
I'm a graphic designer but not artsy. I appreciate art and the beauty in the world around me, but you wouldn't look at me and think so. I don't draw or sketch or paint. I'm an idealist, I come up with sick ideas of how things should look and figure out a way to execute them, on my computer of course. I like unique color combinations and geometric shapes.
My love of design is mostly visible in my day-to-day attire. People compliment my ability to match the stripe in my shirt with the accent in my hoodie and trim of my shoes. Not a fan of matchy-matchy, but I do adore some coordination.
If I meet a boy that isn't one of my good friends or a friend of theirs that dresses nicely I usually fall in love. Some girls like charming good looks or a certain hair color. I like matching shoes and vests. I'm not materialistic by any means, I just find myself attracted to males with good fashion sense. I also like fucked up hair, light eyes and 6'0". Not 5'11" or 6'1", six feet even. It's not a height thing like a lot of my friends, it's a when we're standing my head comes perfectly to your shoulder thing.
Not like it matters too much, I never get the guy or any guy. I'm just their friend. It's how the cards play out, time and time again. Just when I think I've come to terms with it, I realize just how much it still bothers me. Maybe I'll find that one guy that never gets the girl and we can never get anyone else but each other. Yeah I'm a sap, but you'll never see it in person, just this space I call my blog.
I'm the tough dependable one. In crisis everyone turns to me, so I gotta be tough and solve the problems. Think of it this way, would you want to hysterically call the fire department and when they arrive they are running around flailing their arms more than you are. That's not comforting. So I man-up and be the bigger person so everyone else can crumble. I'm good at puzzles so I can usually put the pieces back together.
Puzzles, word games, anything that challenges my brain is fun to me. 8 years ago I had my heart set on being an engineer, I was going to Kettering, Emery Riddle or MIT and taking a shit ton of physics classes to eventually design and plan space ships. Talk about intense. Gets better, I’m not even really into space ships.
I love science: astronomy, meteorology, physics, biology… There’s something about learning how things work and the reliability that sciences provide that’s very comforting to me. Actually I’m all about learning no matter the subject matter. If there’s something that remotely interests you, I want to know the story.
Hmm what else is there, oh yes the things most of you know me for. I’m a big fan of music. I attend more shows than any one person should. I probably see a stage more times than your favorite touring band. A goal of mine is to go on tour with some friends as their merch girl. At the moment my life isn’t set up to embark on that journey but I’m steadily figuring out a way.
You can find me dancing on the sidewalks, sassing various band members, handing out stickers, or bffing it up with fans. I’m all over the place and tend to talk to anyone. That can be a blessing and a curse. There are 5 words that can make or break my night but always result in eye opening information.
When I’m not at shows, I go to the movies, museums, stores, restaurants and bars. My friends have this way of dragging me out and about all over the mid-atlantic. Usually I drive, so I’m truly the one at blame.
I recently bought a Honda Fit, it’s orange and I spoil it as much as I can. That car is a sign of where my life has been and where its going and each day I drive it, I appreciate things a little more. Rising gas prices are a drag with my travelling life style but I love being able to still afford going with little day-to-day interruptions due to my career job.
Like I said I’m a designer. Soon to quit and be 100% freelance. That scares the shit out of me. But when I pull it off, I’ll probably be the happiest I’ve ever been. People that are living their dreams are usually 90% happier than the masses. I want to be that.
Not really sure what else I can say about me. My favorite color is glitter, my bedroom is seafoam green. I’m not afraid to speak my opinion but I do know how to hold my tongue. I like all kinds of music, very eclectic. My favorite song on an album tends to be the most depressing even with the happy bands. Not because I’m emo but because they have the most real lyrics. I try to get along with everyone but if things are happening that I don’t support I will not stand around and watch them take place. I love modern clean lines and crazy furniture. My favorite designer is Karim Rashid. I love Andy Warhol and Roy Lichtenstein. My favorite singer is Mariah Carey where my favorite band is The Academy Is.... I have a degree but most people forget or don’t know altogether. If you need an ear I’ll listen, if you need reality I’ll smack. My favorite TV shows don’t have a script but most have grand prizes. The movies I adore are epically stupid or epic tales. I read books and magazines, and if you see me staring off into the distance it’s because I look at the world differently and everything is a picture.
So this me, good bad all of it, take it for what it’s worth.

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