Not like you'd notice, not like there's anything that can be done. Nope not a thing. This isn't depressing, at least it shouldn't be, just words with feelings, just ideas going mentioned. I wish in my heart of hearts I knew what it was I am supposed to do. Who I'm meant to be, where I'm supposed to go. Some small clue that says this way or that. I'm exhausted, and need this nothingness to end. Not sure if I can take much more. But I know I have no choice in the matter. Good thing making the best of things is my specialty.
Christmas has come and gone, I'm glad everyone so far has throughly enjoyed their gifts. I'm fond of bringing smiles to faces and giving to those that has blessed me with so much. You honestly have no idea just how bright you all have made my days and nights. Love, friendship, happiness, life. Always remember at the end of the day all we have are our memories and connections. The stories we live are the things we can give, and including someone in your life, welcoming them to be a part of the most valued possession you have is truely the most beautiful thing on this Earth. I'm excited to finish giving out gifts and sending my love in yet another form.
I've had the pleasure this week to spend much needed time with my family members. I love them all dearly and although I see them on a regular basis I wish I spent even more time with each member. Shockingly I got to visit my Great Aunt who at this point is the closest thing I have to a grandmother. She's amazing, and as I have for the past 20 whatever years of my life, I continue to strive to be just as great of a person as she.
I wish more people appreciated the things they have, wheter its physical or mental. Not everyone is as blessed as others and it's a shame that there are some who just keep wanting, needing, begging, seeking, asking. Be happy with the current, the now. When you're always looking for better there is never a best.
Other things going on in my life that have totalled to my current state. Hmm let's see, Autumn has truely been the biggest test of character for me. Test of morals, test of intergrity, test of my true ideals and wants. If I had to relive September 22th through December 21st, I don't know what I would do. I'd want to say I'd do it all again exactly the same, but in hinesight probably not. Lots of highs and lows, tears and smiles. C'est la vie. I just hope the start of Winter is a death of the negativity and struggles. If not for me personally then for the others around me who need it just as much. I pray almost everynight that the burdens on my friends and families hearts are taken away. Everyone deserves to breathe easy every now and then.
On a totally unrelated matter, I've been thinking a lot about love and relationships this week. I think its the feeling of the season. Sharing with love ones makes one think about having a significant other to share with. I found myself breaking tradition momentarily and instead of watching A Christmas Story all of Christmas Eve night, I put in Love Actually and watched a completely different take on Christmas. So many different ways a relationship can form and grow or end. So much love in people, it's a beautiful thing and maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to have one of my own.
Sad boys grow up, try drugs, and fall in love.
I think the biggest worldwind has been losing my job. I'm glad I wasn't fired, and maybe this is the opportunity I needed to figure out what I want in life and exactly how to go out and get it. However I did like a lot of things about my work, it was also horrific timing and I wish I knew sooner and could plan something. Thankfully there's a small cushion for my bills and I'm able to get some kind of payment, nothing near what I've been making but help nonetheless. Hopefully I find something new soon, and in the meantime can make some cash on the side either from freelancing or payments on debts. You know me I'll figure it out.
I spent a week cleaning my room and assisting on cleaning the house. All of my clothes are finally in my bedroom and I have about five laundry baskets too many. Going through my belongings yet again to donate some things away. Eventually I dwindle down and everything will have a place. Eventually...
My life hasn't been all bads, don't think that. I got things for Christmas I really really wanted, and some of the raddest books ever that make me just want to go out and paint like no other. I also have spent a good amount of time with the best of the best friends a girl could ask for. I saw Adrienne who I only get to see once a year. I hung out with Ebony whom I never spend time with. I went to some shows with Christine & Alexa, always good company as are Fiona & Erica. Shared some smiles and drinks with Josh all weekend, probably my favorite drinking partner next to Sara. Jeff has been home and I couldn't be more excited, I don't think anyone understands the realtionship I have with that boy other than him. I finally got to see Devin who I've missed immensely. He's one of the only people to understand what I'm going through right now. Being home means I actually get to see my parents who are legit my favorite people in the world. I could watch TV in bed with my mom all day and my dad can make any movie better. Even extended the olive branch in attempts to salvage some fallen friendships. I hope the social portion of December continues and improves throughout 09.
Sometime tomorrow I'm going to post a far shorter blog about my favorite things of 08! And not so favorite. Hopefully this will start some good conversations...
With each passing day, I wonder a little less. Not cause I've lost hope or interest; because I know what it is to play the hand that's dealt. You can't always get the winning hand but as long as you keep playing, odds are in your favor...
I think the biggest worldwind has been losing my job. I'm glad I wasn't fired, and maybe this is the opportunity I needed to figure out what I want in life and exactly how to go out and get it. However I did like a lot of things about my work, it was also horrific timing and I wish I knew sooner and could plan something. Thankfully there's a small cushion for my bills and I'm able to get some kind of payment, nothing near what I've been making but help nonetheless. Hopefully I find something new soon, and in the meantime can make some cash on the side either from freelancing or payments on debts. You know me I'll figure it out.
I spent a week cleaning my room and assisting on cleaning the house. All of my clothes are finally in my bedroom and I have about five laundry baskets too many. Going through my belongings yet again to donate some things away. Eventually I dwindle down and everything will have a place. Eventually...
My life hasn't been all bads, don't think that. I got things for Christmas I really really wanted, and some of the raddest books ever that make me just want to go out and paint like no other. I also have spent a good amount of time with the best of the best friends a girl could ask for. I saw Adrienne who I only get to see once a year. I hung out with Ebony whom I never spend time with. I went to some shows with Christine & Alexa, always good company as are Fiona & Erica. Shared some smiles and drinks with Josh all weekend, probably my favorite drinking partner next to Sara. Jeff has been home and I couldn't be more excited, I don't think anyone understands the realtionship I have with that boy other than him. I finally got to see Devin who I've missed immensely. He's one of the only people to understand what I'm going through right now. Being home means I actually get to see my parents who are legit my favorite people in the world. I could watch TV in bed with my mom all day and my dad can make any movie better. Even extended the olive branch in attempts to salvage some fallen friendships. I hope the social portion of December continues and improves throughout 09.
Sometime tomorrow I'm going to post a far shorter blog about my favorite things of 08! And not so favorite. Hopefully this will start some good conversations...
With each passing day, I wonder a little less. Not cause I've lost hope or interest; because I know what it is to play the hand that's dealt. You can't always get the winning hand but as long as you keep playing, odds are in your favor...
No comments:
Post a Comment