yup, still holds true

Realizations are a bitch. I always say it but it never gets easier to deal with. I don't know what sucks more, knowing that you associate with shitty people or knowing that in a blink of an eye you'd still bend over backwards to help them in a bind? Sometimes I wish I was a bitch or at least heartless. It'd be so much easier to cut my losses and move on if I didn't care. Why am I the one to always get burned? The nice one, the good one, the one person you should treat better than others for the simple fact I'm one of the few that would wire you money to make sure you made it home safely. Not only that I'd give up sleep and fun to be there in your time of need. I keep asking myself why and the answer is simply, I do these things cause I'd want someone to return the favor. I guess somewhere in my brain the synapses aren't lining up and I can't register that shit isn't happening. What I'm really to do for others, won't be reciprocated. I'm giving 100% and only getting 35. Don't get my wrong, I have a few gems in my life that in all honesty give me the hope that the world can be better but even then sometimes they burn me just as so. The closer they are the worst it hurts, why do I live with such pain? Why can't people see what they are doing to me? Why am I asking questions that have no answers? Why do I care so fucking much?

bleh

So much built up passion and anger, not good for the heart. I already don't sleep I don't need to harbor any resentment, I'd cut you if I could. I am however very thankful for everyone that gave up their time/money/sleep/ect ect to insure that I enjoyed my birthday. It brings me to tears just thinking of your generosity. Love, love love. I feel it.

With that being said, dear assholes that I call some of my best friends. I had a birthday a week ago, thanks for not calling/texting or sending me the message just to say happy birthday. With that being said I also made it to Vegas and made it back safely. I know you were so concerned... It think it's really awesome how you couldn't drive an extra 10 minutes just to grace me with your presence. No worries, just give me some bullshit excuse; I'll smile and say "its whatever" and we'll go back to being the best of bests. Cause its what I do...


THANKS!