Tuesday, November 11

Definitely not off on Veteran's Day

So tired, so so so tired. I don't know if this is correct but I'm quite sure that after sleeping you shouldn't wake up and wish to sleep more. I can't remember the last time I felt well rested. Even when I try to get more rest, and plan things out. Other shit pops up. I'm losing track of my days and even weeks. Just a mindless empty shell going from one place to another.
Saturday I didn't leave my house and it was such a great day, I need more of those. It would've been even better if I replaced the cleaning and laundry with reading and movies, but it was good nonetheless. Ideally I want a day where everything I do is for my mental wellness. granted cleaning clears my head but I don't want any physical labor or stresses. Just chill, calm, relaxation.
Just thinking about it makes me smile.
I'm excited for Wednesday, it's the first day on my calendar in a while that I plan to do nothing aside from going to work. The more I think about it the more I may cancel plans on Saturday & Sunday to get more cleaning done. Maybe even play a video game or sleep. It's a bummer cause those were two days I actually wanted to do what I planned, but c'est la vie! I will always cut from myself before others. One day...

I wish people weren't so selfish sometimes, if you say you're a friend then why can't people depend on you? Dumb dumb dumb. I hope to never treat my friends the way I've seen them treated. Even if it kills me!

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