So much is going on in my brain its insane. This one is going to be long, can't stop need to get it all out of me.
September is practically over, it feels like it just begun but at the same time feels like it should've ended weeks ago. Most of these days have been pretty eventful and a break from the ordinary. You don't realize how routine this thing called life can be until something comes along and fucks shit up. I like to call that something September.
Not really sure how I want to sort out my head. I could give a recount of each day, I could just start with one feeling and branch, there are options and I don't do well with those. I like choices because then I'm not locked down, but I like to make the right choice and sometimes there isn't one, but I'll always think I just picked wrong. Maybe I should just think about each aspect of my life in sections, yanno like Professional, Social, Romantic, ect ect. Maybe I should just stop thinking about how to think and just feel. I tend to do better when I actually allow myself to feel. I also tend to break into tears. Damn I'm a mess.
I just want to apologize to anyone who actually read this, and huge sorrys to anyone that reads this in its entirety. I'm a fuckin train wreck, getting derail with each mile, losing cars baggage and passengers on every turn; hoping that with each light in the tunnel is the sun and not a realization that I'm going down a one way.
One way, on the first I walked around Philadelphia and saw some street signs in the Artist District that were manipulated. The one way sign had the "w" covered up and someone replaced it with a "d" so it then said One Day. I couldn't help but notice, and become hopeful of things to come. And also think, hmm maybe one day. I suggested to Alexa that she should be cutesy and send a picture of the sign to someone saying "one day we'll be together again" not too sure if she did it or not, but I do know it was a swell idea that I wish I could use for myself. Don't mistake this want for jealousy, I'm legitimately happy for anyone that is happy with themselves. Its just that when its smack dab in front of you, you realize that you are lacking.
All we ever wanted was love and love and happy afternoons
I've found myself listening to a lot of the CDs I depended on throughout college. This time for different reasons, not looking for answers or motivation or hope. Just enjoying the music. Seems like those albums, the ones from 03, 04, and 05 all had more meaning. Everyone tried harder, everyone felt something. Nowadays it's hit or miss. Hit or Miss is a great song by New Found Glory, quite excited for their show at the end of the month. If I make to then...
Work has been crazytown, August was nothing compared to the last 2 weeks. Still can't get over its only been 2 weeks. Overtime everyday but finally getting somewhere on the massive to-do list, and everyone else seems to be just as scatteredbrained and mental. The other morning, my one boss Jason had more energy that Richard Simmons, it was quite scary. We're all a bit cracked out these days. This week is gonna be huge, fingers crossed that everything that I've been working on works launch day.
My mom the other day joked that she could make me a profile on eHarmony. Hahaha... I don't know, she's made a couple comments in the past few months about my love life. Maybe I've been single for too long. Too bad it's not an issue of me turning down the offers wanting to live the single life. Simply put, I'm the friend. If this was a movie the guy would realize that the girls he goes for are totally wrong for him and confide in his bff or mother and a lightbulb would go off and he'd suddenly know that I'm the girl he is destined to be with. Yeah I'm that girl, the logically supportive friend that helps the guy get the girl despite the feeling in my own heart. Too bad at this point, I don't even know who the guy friend is. I've had my fairshare but honestly at this moment there's none. I've come to my senses and realized that the one I attempted to persue time and time again isn't one worth persuing. He's cancerous and I don't need that.
Yay for clean slates. Starting fresh, starting anew. Wish I was more stoked. Damn this vicious cycle.
I'll just find other things to preocuppy me... Suddenly my calendar just popped in my head and a temporary smile crossed my face. Lots of good shows and good times with friends coming ahead. My birthday party will be full of all sorts of debauchary that will continue over to the Pacific timezone the next week in Las Vegas. Glad Ebony is coming with me, she's gonna have a blast being my babysitter. Especially on Halloween. Who would've thought that during my random trip I'd be in the same sinfull city as a few other friends. Just wish I booked a day sooner but I'll just celebrate with everyone in Maryland that day instead. Red Robin???
Other things on my mind, I need to clean like no other. I started and its temporarily looking better but there's so much to do. Can't wait to finally be able to put my clothes in my dresser and closet. Living out of rubbermaid containers for 3 years is not fun. Goodwill/Plato's Closet is gonna looooove me. Hmm what else. I work too hard and forget even more. Need to take a minute for myself. The other day my friend asked me what I did for myself. I sat in the backseat with a blank stare and couldn't think of a single thing, then remembered that I play videogames though it be few and far between, its what I do for me. That was quite depressing but eye-opening so I'm thankful. I'm going to try to figure out a way to keep living as I've been, but adding in some me-time... We'll see how that goes.
I saw Motion City Soundtrack, that was awesome. Also got to see Sarahfax and she's always a good time. Alexa took me to the Diner to sober up. It's always reassuring to know that people legit care about your well-being. Had she not done that I probably would've slept in my car for way too long, missed work the next day or worst put in the "drunk tank." I didn't intend on drinking more than one drink, then as CIWWAF would say the fourth drink instinct kicked in. Great.... Saw Reggie & the Full Effect and he did "FOOD"! Dumbest song ever, but I like it. It was one of those rare shows where I got to hear every song I wanted. Don't think that happened since like Linkin Park.
If things happen as they are rumored to, I just became more excited for November. Trying not to get my hopes up just yet but I'm giddy.
